Underneath Everything by Marcy Beller Paul

Mattie and Kris have spent the last year in social exile by choice.  They walked away from their former lives of sitting at the "cool" table, going to the parties, and playing dangerous games.  Now that they're seniors, Mattie wants to do something.  It doesn't take long before she's right back where she was Sophomore year.  The only difference is Jolene (the leader of their group), is on the outs.  But Mattie can't stop thinking about Jolene and the friendship that was so overwhelming.  Is Mattie really looking for a way back to Hudson (the boy she loves), or a way back to a friendship she never really gave up?














This book was a big surprise.  What I thought I was going to read, and what I read were two different things.  I thought this was going to be about some big "event" that made Kris and Mattie exiles.  I thought this was going to be about Hudson, the boy who Mattie loves.  I didn't know I was going to read about something that was a lot more subtle.

Mattie and Kris walked away from their friends after Sophomore year because of something Jolene did to Kris.  Mattie chose Kris, but never stopped thinking about Jolene.  Right after this walking away, Jolene steals Mattie's crush (Hudson) and starts dating him, while Mattie can only watch from afar.  After a year, Mattie convinces Kris to go to a party basically so that Mattie can see if there is any spark left between her and Hudson.  With Hudson newly broken up with Jolene, it seems those old feelings are still there.  It seems like Hudson realizes he made the wrong choice.  But just as I thought that Mattie got everything she ever wanted, I realized I had no freaking clue what this girl wanted.  She started changing her appearance and acting weird, and I started realizing she was doing this to convince herself that she wasn't the girl she was Sophomore year.  She was trying silence the voice in the back of her head that knew what she really wanted: Jolene and her toxic brand of friendship.

I kind of love books like this.  It was creepy, but not in an "in your face" way.  I would be reading and all of a sudden I would be like "these people aren't right" and feel shivers down my back.  Mattie wanted something that was so overwhelming, suffocating, and even dangerous... and I was like ??????  She wanted it more than the boy she loved.  She completely lost herself in it, and it was the most unhealthy thing I've read about in a while.  Not a lot happens in this book, but when you sit back and examine the thought process behind the character's actions, it is completely chilling.

OVERALL: A book about a girl who gets the boy she always wanted, but then realizes what she really wants is something else completely.  This book is about friendship, feeling like you belong to someone, feeling like you are the person to complete someone else.  But none of it is healthy.  Definitely an interesting read, I recommend if you are in the mood for something more subdued.

Quotes: "I wanted to be loved.  She loved to be wanted."
"The way Jolene treated me- it wasn't nice.  It was ferocious.  Protective.  Enveloping."

This Book Includes:

• Friendship
• Love
• Sexy-times
• Maps
• Weirdo games
• Mean Girls
• Drinking
• Drugs
• High School parties
• Soccer
• A Bonfire

Add it to your To-Read List!!

My Rating: 3.5/4

Date Published: 10/27/2015
How I got this book: Thanks to my secret santa Jamie!!
Publisher: HarperCollins- Balzer + Bray